Occasionally thoughts, questions
Surface like silver bubbles rising
In water simmering for pasta…
Age 10: why didn’t I tiptoe
From house ‘mid blizzard on
Surrounding woods nearby
Could have buried me
In deep frozen silence
Before absence noticed &
Discovery’s too-late rescue
(Condolences draping family
& whispered suspicions of
At almost 20: another winter
Pacific NW snows piled
‘Round college campus, so
Why not choose to lose myself?
Unmissed, mere iced white lump
When delayed report makes news…
Few years later: considered leap from
Husband’s hellish rage-fueled truck
If not killed in escape attempt
It would have made statement
Courage failed to speak in words…
Final married year: husband’s raging
Scene in car dealership… Manager (male)
Asked, “Do you always talk
That way in front of your wife?”
Defiant spouse replied, “Yes”…
Why didn’t I take shelter
Behind stranger, beg for help?
Abuse (early, lifelong) and fear it
Implants can paralyze, freeze, entomb
Soul under unending winter… Or
Burn up self-worth, strength of will
Leave only cold, lifeless ash.
It takes supernatural shift to lift
Lead-weighted brain-fog, push
Heart forward into Freedom.
©Rhen Laird/Cobbled Contemplations, 2020 ~ All rights reserved.