Escapes Not Taken

Occasionally thoughts, questions

Surface like silver bubbles rising

In water simmering for pasta…

Age 10:  why didn’t I tiptoe

From house ‘mid blizzard on

Minnesota-winter night?

Surrounding woods nearby

Could have buried me

In deep frozen silence

 Before absence noticed &

Discovery’s too-late rescue

(Condolences draping family

& whispered suspicions of

Parental inattention)…

At almost 20:  another winter

Pacific NW snows piled

‘Round college campus, so

Why not choose to lose myself?

Unmissed, mere iced white lump

When delayed report makes news…

Few years later:  considered leap from

Husband’s hellish rage-fueled truck

If not killed in escape attempt

It would have made statement

Courage failed to speak in words…

Final married year:  husband’s raging

Scene in car dealership… Manager (male)

Asked, “Do you always talk

That way in front of your wife?”

Defiant spouse replied, “Yes”

Why didn’t I take shelter

Behind stranger, beg for help?

Abuse (early, lifelong) and fear it

Implants can paralyze, freeze, entomb

Soul under unending winter… Or

Burn up self-worth, strength of will

Leave only cold, lifeless ash.

It takes supernatural shift to lift

Lead-weighted brain-fog, push

Heart forward into Freedom.

©Rhen Laird/Cobbled Contemplations, 2020 ~ All rights reserved.

Grief’s Entity

“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” Ephesians 6:12, New King James Version

Seems an entity

Akin to Death lives within

Grief which fills all cells

Skin to muscle, marrow, heart

Like yeast in dough raises bread

~

Tentacles constrict

Wrapped around throat, lungs and head

Till tears pulse, explode

Can’t predict what triggers it

Takes me down, complete surprise

Leaves body, mind limp, bled dry

Curled up, begging, ‘let me die’…

“The LORD is my light and my salvation— so why should I be afraid? The LORD is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble?” Psalm 27:1, NLT

“Though an army encamps around me, my heart will not fear; though a war breaks out against me, I will keep my trust. One thing I have asked of the LORD; this is what I desire: to dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the LORD and seek Him in His temple.…” Psalm 27:3-4, Berean Study Bible

©Rhen Laird/Cobbled Contemplations, 2020 ~ All rights reserved.